shh

3:50 AM
So here I sit, so late in the day that it's actually really really early in the morning. Nothing going on. I can't get to sleep. I've got this half-assed erection that I'm trying to make into something and I realized that since I made this account I haven't actually done much posting. Just once back in 2004. One time that my friends found and giggled about behind my back. That was so long ago that the photos aren't even up on the internet anymore. ImageShack deleted at some point. It's almost symbolic really. Why? It's also been over 4 years since I've had sex.

FOUR YEARS!

An even then it was only once. I don't even remember what sex feels like... I haven't even dated anyone since then really. Sure I've lied to my friends to not seem as pathetic a few times, to say that I'm dating someone they don't know but not really. I mean, I'm in my 20s... I should be little bit more experienced by now, right?

4:01 AM: I just forced one out for the sake of getting to sleep but I don't feel settled. I was planning on just deleting this entry when I was done as it was the result of some masturbatorial self-pitty session but maybe this is just what I really needed. To get all of this off of my chest.

I turned out to be far more pathetic than most people thought I would that's for sure. Making up girlfriends? Jesus Christ. What's wrong with me?

And you know what, it's not even that I care about sex. I'd much rather never have sex again if it meant a bit of intimacy with the opposite sex--but then again, sex is something females are interested in too. So either way I lose.

I read an article once about how Japanese wives were alright with their husbands having sex with prostitutes because sex isn't love and that in the end the husbands love the wives and not the prostitutes. I'd be perfectly willing to strike this kind of deal.

GODDAMMIT! That also sounds goddamn pathetic. Why the hell am I even writing this? No one is going to read it. Though I guess I thought that it might get read which is why I started off talking about sex.

Maybe "My Perverted Secret" isn't that I enjoy naked ladybits but instead that I'm a sad and pathetic (figuratively) little man.

Hm. This ended like the the strangest This American Life story ever.

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